LUGGAGE Lady

Contemplations about Life, Love, & the Pursuit of Meaningful Existence…

Archive for the category “Reflective”

My Serendipitous Romance

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Vacant heart

Fielding layers of incessant gray

Resigned to mediocrity

Not seeking

Yet, there you were

Seemingly too-good-to-be-true

A real life sorcerer

Vibrantly colorizing my world from that first mystical smile

Sowing hope atop ashes of forsaken dreams

Captivation so electrifying

Love’s rays swooning the stars to lasso the moon

Anticipating the next

But relishing the now

Nurturing what is

So “the end” never pecks its way across our page

Euphoria thickens my throat

Tears of appreciation silently pool

Swept off my feet for a lifetime

My Serendipitous Romance

***

Happy Valentine’s Day to my Treasured Readers…

May love worthy of your honorable hearts gently embrace you — today, and always!

(photo: Hong Kong Harbor 2011)

 

In Depth’s Absence, Impressions Still Endear

 

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As a novice kayaker, I assumed the best technique was to plunge my oar deeply, keeping it submerged as long as possible to maximize forward mobility. This strategy worked in short bursts but quickly drained my spindly limbs.

Fortunately, in preparation for an eight-hour jaunt around Kauai’s Na Pali Coast, our instructor taught us the swift and shallow approach. Loosely gripping our paddles with elbows extended as if a beach ball rested in our laps, we were to catch, propel, and release the water. Relying on core and leg muscles, I completed the trek without requiring rescue — which made me wonder whether poor form hindered other facets of my life?

Now, I’d been called “a bit intense” on more than a few occasions, so the concept of surfacy interactions seemed akin to dreaming in a foreign language. Yet, my “what’s-the-quinessential-meaning-of-life” tendencies prickled carefully guarded comfort zones. I started appreciating the ease with which others established speedy rapport and noticed how, even brief snippets of connectivity, still resonated.

These days, just as I study the tide and current tables before launching my kayak on the San Francisco Bay, I’m keenly cognizant of those who seek a buffer from overly animated, philosophical sorts like me. And, although the temptation to thrust my paddle well beneath the surface beckons, I gingerly reel myself back several notches — knowing:  In depth’s absence, impressions still endear.

Hearts Shielded by Anonymity

 

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Someone recently told me, “There are two types in this world: friendly people and busy people.”

I was perplexed. Segregating two admirable traits appeared paradoxical. Keep in mind, I was raised by entrepreneurs whose mantra still is: “The harder you work, the luckier you become.” Of equal importance, was being kind and respectful to every single person along the way.

Clearly, I embarked upon adulthood sporting some rather thick rose-colored glasses. A hefty dosage of chilled reception would quickly dim their hue. At least now I had a tangible explanation. Apparently, the fundamental demands of existence left some folks — otherwise engaged. That wouldn’t stop me from throwing my heart in the ring.

Still, when basic attempts to connect with humanity falter, crawling into a dark cave can be tempting. I mean, who would even ponder putting themselves out there on a more intimate level? Whether seeking love or sharing an impassioned endeavor, baring one’s soul in anticipation of acknowledgment is a gut-wrenching pursuit.

Yet, as the days grow shorter, I wonder who teeters in their rockers mulling fewer regrets. Those who squinted into the blaze of indifference, risking ridicule by bravely belting out their songs? Or those who cautiously averted their gazes — hearts shielded by anonymity?

We Are One

 

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I have

Dreamed into a universal sky

Rife with promise of a new day

I have

Dangled foot in waters connecting us

I have

Drawn sustaining breaths from an atmosphere without borders

And I have

Realized

We experience this world

Together

Whether buoyed by blissful joy

Or

Bruised by unimaginable tragedy

Nothing separates

Hearts overlapping

We are one…

Lead Me to Forever

 

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I study the mirror

Doubt marring my reflection

When he says he loves me

Yesterday’s gullible girl swiftly discounts

Sentiments tumbling bravely in candlelit hours

Oft-forgotten by sunrise

When he adds that I’m beautiful

I thwart such flattery

Weary eyes mock

Witness to my journey

Naiveté

Hasty moves

False friends

Humiliation

Deep lines frame a sputtering twinkle

But flatness dominates

Harsh lessons reaping cynical eyes

Yet this weathered heart implores

Booming wildly

Just…Once…More

I paint on a smile

And turn out the light

Bracing for a final gamble

Trust versus eternal solitude

With trembling arms

I gather scraps of tattered faith

Praying he’ll prove different

Upstanding

Renew my belief in love

And lead me to forever…

Proof of Existence

 

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MotherhoodThe ultimate contribution to the universe.

Mothers are creators and nurturers, rightfully referred to as “wonder women,” fulfilling an esteemed role.

But what of the woman who is either unable to deliver life — or who chooses a child-free existence?

What becomes of this tragic lady who will never know the unconditional love of a child reliant upon her for — everything? And what about those adorable intangibles: comparing dimples and eye shape, stubbornness and wit. Did the little one inherit that trait from her grandma or her auntie?

In failing to experience the true essence of what it means to be female, is she destined to be an outcast who lacked the foresight to fret over who would care for her in old age? Having missed her opportunity to be part of the “social norm,” how will this fruitless soul leave her mark?

Fortunately, she has nothing holding her back from lofty dreams. And, if this unencumbered road makes the stalls and failures more biting, it matters not. She’s privy to oodles of free time with the luxury of beginning anew again and again…

But can ensuing accomplishments ever equate?

Because in the end

Whether a consequence of fate or choice

A haunting question lingers:

Can one be considered a successful human being without leaving genetic proof that she existed at all?

Passage to Soulfulness

 

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Thanksgiving wishes for my treasured readers:

May

The faintest illumination allay all traces of gloom

A whispered word evoking cheer even amidst chaos

May

Providence veer you fluidly from harm

A song renewing your spirit

May

Your blessings be bountiful enough to share

And giving elevate your essence

May

Love lavish endless color across your days

The gift of family and friendship providing safe harbor

May

You know inner peace and hone this asset

Forever seeking

Passage to soulfulness…

A Positive Difference

 

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“To have the opportunity to make a positive difference in the life of each person with whom I interact.”

I stumbled across an old resume the other day and had to smile at this line typed beneath my “career objective.” Fortunately, I’m gainfully employed, but the words made me think.

How does one better the world? Chipper greetings? Common courtesies? Respect for all? Being a stalwart friend, coach, teacher, sibling, parent, mentor…? Donating to as many charities as financially feasible? Volunteering even when time is sparse? All of the above??

Sometimes, how to contribute to the greater good overwhelms. Small gestures are surely cumulative, but it’s easy to become daunted by the big picture when you’re standing in the middle.

I’m blessed beyond measure, yet I still struggle to realize my true potential. Why do I wallow in the quagmire of chasing status and stuff when I know both leave me unfulfilled? Because believing I possess anything worthy of making a viable difference is so difficult.

When seeking our best selves, Abraham Maslow boldly proclaimed: “What a man can be, he must be!”

Writing has been my lifelong passion, as humbling as it is energizing. What comes out as chattering jumble in person, benefits from the trusty delete button. On good days, I can hardly keep pace, pecking frantically at my keyboard. On others, my words are halted and crudely phrased. But I persevere because this is the “be” that I must.

I dream of touching hearts and inspiring minds, of evoking deep thought and gratitude. And I will never give up on my quest to generate a positive spark in this magical life experience.

Dancing on Clouds

 

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Love to me

Is mutually giving and earning respect

Caring so much

I cannot bestow enough

Dancing on clouds I never knew existed

Elevated by an impermeable cocoon

Knowing without a doubt

My search has ended

An enchanting whirlwind beckons

Time accelerates

Months blurring into years

Rallying against life’s curveballs

Strong arms encircle

Offering safe sanctuary

More profound than words

A collaborator in all dreams

A person who believes in me

To match my confidence in them

Commitment forged from trust

No walls

No facades

No games

Peace at last

An environment in which I can aspire to my very best

My today

And every tomorrow imaginable…

Exhaling in the Face of Panic

Mark would eventually convince me to become PADI certified in Tahiti (the things we do for love...)

I grew up with the nickname “Miss Priss.” If an activity involved strapping on special gear, sweating or otherwise messing up my hair — I happily cheered from the sidelines.

I claimed wine-drinking and sunset-watching as “hobbies.” So, when I met my husband and he conveyed his passion for “extreme sports” like sailing and scuba diving, I cringed.

Of course, given the choice between a relatively dry environment with cocktail provisions nearby or stuffing my body into a wetsuit, plastering a mask to my face, and plunging fifty feet underwater — Well, suffice to say, I quickly learned my way around a sailboat.

And while he explored his marine world, I’d idly await his tales from the safety of my beach lounger.

“It’s like being an astronaut down there. Peaceful and weightless, exploring places few will ever get to see,” he exclaimed upon his return one time, flashing a contagious smile.

I drained my Mai Tai, trying to lift the corners of my mouth, but shame enveloped me more thickly than my greasy sunblock layer.

Was I really going to let fear narrow my horizons?

And so it was that I found myself bobbing atop the Pacific Ocean several months later, after a bout of hyperventilation propelled me back to the surface. The dive instructor patiently counseled as I gagged on salt water.

“Never-ever take your regulator out of your mouth. Good. Relax. Excellent. Look at me. Now, I want you to hum ‘my-baby-does-the-hanky-panky’ as we gradually make our way…”

In no position to debate his sanity, I obliged. And, as this silly melody reverberated between my ears, something miraculous occurred: My lungs emptied at a controlled speed, and I refilled them generously in order to continue humming my new favorite tune.

And down I went.

Deeper and deeper.

Exhaling and inhaling in equal measure.

I ultimately earned my PADI certification, but knowing how to reign myself in from panic’s clutches would prove my greatest gain.

Fear shrinks lives daily — ruthlessly leaching possibility, destroying creativity, stalling momentum, and sowing endless doubt:

Have I exhausted all my good ideas?

The odds of success are as slim as being struck by lightning.

Surely I can express myself more succinctly.

Can I tweak my work — yet again — and capture the true essence THIS time?

Who cares what a flight attendant has to say?

Then I hear my dive master’s calming voice, and I fill my lungs to capacity.

Before

Ever-so-slowly

Exhaling…

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